The Senatorial Office: Open for Business!!

[Senator Phillips]

Big Matches Announced For Lariats
By "Digital" Dave Doolittle

With Lariats and Legislators 2020 only a week away, my top of the line insider sources have been as busy as ever in delivering me the latest breaking news on the two night mega event. Two of the matches detailed here were listed during the Wacker Drive Revival-Lightning Pro broadcast, but I've also received an exclusive scoop on a third showdown that Office fans will be interested in.

1.) Anthony Kalb vs. Geese Walker
One of the true greats in the history of the sport, and a man well known for earning the coveted perfect hundred in my ratings time and time again, Geese Walker will return to the Senatorial Office to answer the challenge of the former Office Chairman, Anthony Kalb. Kalb sent Walker a heartfelt message, which I've been given permission to post here, exclusively on World Wrestling Daily Digest:

Anthony Kalb: I'm just going to say it flat out, 2020 sucked, badly. I actually had it better than most. For most of the year, I had an amazing position running an incredible organization, being able to work with some of the most exciting wrestlers in the entire world. I was able to carry on the legacy of Senator Steve Phillips in doing so, and I have no regrets. But as I found myself demoted recently back down to Head of Operations with Midas Matthews taking my Chairman spot, I felt I had to do something, anything to shake off my doldrums. I told Midas I wasn't going to let Lariats go without me taking on some stupid insurmountable challenge, and he accepted that I was going to do something crazy for this one.

Kalb: So that's why I'm sending you this message, Mr. Walker. I remember being there when Senator Phillips had his last moment in the ring against you. I remember thinking "I couldn't beat that bastard in a thousand years." And that's why I'm asking you if you'd give me the honor of facing me at Lariats and Legislators 2020, on December 18th. Because there's no bigger name out there, nobody I'd be more of a ridiculous underdog against. And maybe there's a little part of me that wants to follow in Sennie's footsteps, trying to see how close I can get to living up to what he pulled off in that match against you. He might be having a tough time in politics with that whole recount mess for his seat, and I'm kind of hoping he gets a chance to see this and remember no matter what, that he's done some good along the way and inspired a few people, even a knucklehead like me.

Kalb: I can promise you this, I might be outgunned in almost every way, but you'll find that I'm a stubborn son of a bitch who will fight you like a man, and more likely than not, go down swinging like a man. But no matter how hopeless this is, know this, too, I may not really think I have much of a chance of winning...but I do think I have a chance. And if there's a chance, you better believe I'm going to put everything I've got into maximizing that. So, give me a shot, Geese, and let's see what happens out there.

2.) G.P. Christopher vs. Todd Colton
G.P. Christopher's been on a major roll, having defended his Victorious Medal successfully against just about the entire main event scene in L-Pro, and earning a number of high match ratings from myself in the process. He's clearly angling for another chance at getting the Office Number One Ranking, and as usual, GPC is demanding the opening spot on both nights of the event. For Night 2, he'll have a true Preliminary Main Event against one of Phoenix Rising's finest, with Todd Colton making the trip to face him in his own element. Knowing what I know about Colton, he likely believes himself to be the clear favorite in this one, anyway. And with his mix of dogged tenacity and well schooled technical skills, he might not even be wrong.

3.) Mr. Moonsault vs. Crusher Honda
A big matchup between two top names with Marcus Xavier riding on one of the best runs of his career as of late and Honda having operated in the L-Pro main event scene, unsuccessfully challenging for the Victorious Medal, and winning the Victorious Tag Medals with Wrecker Yamamoto. This will be a rare match where Honda is clearly outsized, but Mr. Moonsault fights like a person half his size and Honda backs down from no foe. Expect this one to rate in the high 80s at the very least.

[OrochiGeese]

Geese Walker's response:

SPOILER: Click to show

*The camera switches on and we see Geese Walker standing in front of a UBL sign. Someone, presumably Robin Walker, painted a little mask on both holes in the 'B.'   (Robin: "What? You'd rather I fill the A-holes!?")*

[Geese:] “2020 has been far from a banner year for me as well. Upon regaining the full extent of my faculties following an attack perpetrated by cowards, I ‘awoke’ to find that the world was pulling the rug out from my grand return to the ring yet again. A league with legacy-defining potential began to be slowly and agonizingly dragged across a cold, hard floor like a dead rodent. Worse, such a vile creature is more noble than the first opponent I am to face there.

Therefore, I was excited to be challenged by the protégé of the very man whose pre-retirement heroics helped rouse me back to glory the last time we fought. I do not wish to be referred to as ‘Orochi Graft’ though so allow me to make a crucial distinction. I am not taking this match as a political favor to Senator but rather due to his confidence in you, Mr. Kalb. In familiarizing myself with your career and what you have accomplished in the ring, I have grown to share that confidence.”

*Geese nods but his calm demeanor is replaced with a sterner expression.*

[Geese:] “However, it is clear to me that you still have much to learn. Your confidence in defeating me hinges on a vague sense of 'chance'. Are you calculating the odds that an airplane falls on my car on my way to the arena?  Measuring the chance I may slip on a banana peel in the locker room? Tell me, Kalb, in case I turn back into a stockbroker, what companies should I invest in based on your hopeful permutations? Should we even bother preparing a strategy against each other or would we save time by investing in a number generator to see who could emerge victorious?"

*A gasp is heard off screen as Luke Kisiera faints*

[Geese:] “The truth is, Kalb, you possess no chance in defeating me without already seeing it in your mind. It must be a certainty, like it happened in the past. A man does not win a race by just getting to the finish line, he must actively cross it. The 'threshold' *smiles* must be passed. Anyone can see that line. The person who crosses it first is the one who already felt themselves doing it. Grasping at a vague chance to win is a simple dream. But winners have premonitions. We see ourselves victorious and work backward to make it happen.  There must be no doubt in your mind that it will.

Approach our match with a degree of certainty that matches your boldness. Your spirit in seeking insurmountable challenges is worthy, but you need to envision yourself already on top of that mountain.

In short, Mr. Kalb, don't fight like just a man and certainly don’t plan to go down like one.

Fight me like a winner.

Then we will see how far away you are from becoming a legend like your mentor.”

*Geese nods and the promo fades to black.*

[LankyLefty17]

A couple of promo’s hit the internet over the weekend, promoting Lariats and Legislators 2020...


Doc Wyatt, who was finishing up an interview promoting his new line of custom tailored suits, was asked about the upcoming announcement that his Jackson Hole Outlaws would face a revised version of the Cogburn Ranch at Lariats and Legislators 2020. Doc proceeded to switch gears and go full wrestling promo…

How do I feel? How would you feel if someone you’ve spent the past two years owning, suddenly ask you to show up to their biggest show of the year just to hand them one last ass kicking? You’d feel pretty good right? Shut up, don’t answer that- you know nothing about wrestling, you cover fashion for god’s sake. I feel great. The Outlaws are at a crossroads of sorts. I’ve said this a thousand times, we are not friends. We are not family. We are business partners, and business has been disappointing lately.

Think of this as a...company evaluation of sorts. The task we have before us is to stroll into town, beat the shit out of a group of Texas rednecks, and reclaim ourselves as the greatest faction in professional wrestling. There is no other option. No. Other. Option.

Meanwhile, Paco Pequeno gave another impromptu press conference yesterday with both of his clients, John Logan and Interim Dominican Gold Champion Dungeon Dominguez standing on either side of him...

I call members of the press here today as I- as well as my clients- remained appalled to the build up of Lariats and Legislators. We remain committed to the direction that Midas Mathews has set for this company, but the remnants of past mistakes still linger. Salvador Sosa- a man that has not wrestled in months, remains champion despite my client’s continuous vigor in defending his belt. It is appalling- and Dungeon will right this wrong. But we remain steadfast that the match my client should be entitled to is the Lone Star Championship. That is the true belt, and the true end goal. Sosa, my message to you is to stay home. Continue to claim your injury. You are nothing to us, but a stepping stone to greater things.

And as for Young Blood. My dear son, where are you? My client has called you out on multiple occasions but he hears nothing back? Are you afraid? Are you unwell? I am hear to announce my client, the Warrior Pro Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion, is ready and willing to fight all comers. If Young Blood becomes too craven to fight, we will accept any replacement. My client is ready to fulfill his contractual obligations in full.

Thank you, no questions.

[Senator Phillips]

The first ever UCSS-SWA combined show for the Senatorial Office takes place on this Friday, with the UCSS Openweight title on the line, and a plethora of cross promotional battles that should please any fan of hard hitting martial arts action as the Office puts on its final show before the Lariats and Legislators 2020 super event.


UCSS x SWA: The New Union
8:00 PM (CT) on Friday, December 11 at the Charles Sumner Gymnasium in Washington, DC

Main Event: UCSS Openweight Title Bout
"Big Banter" Rory Banner(C) with Sanem Becker and Virgil de Boer vs. Andronicus Turner with Jumbo Joseph Butt and Ricky "Violence" Valdez
It seems that Rory Banner has done everything to avoid defending his title for some time now, but the day of reckoning has finally arrived. Taking part in a post-show beatdown as a part of a Golden Touch invading team against Hobo Harry and Kevin Royce at the last PEWA event, Banner's disinterested attack incensed Morgan Matthews, and Midas decided to punish Banner by finally forcing him to face his former managerial charge. Since leaving the Big Banter Brand, Andronicus Turner has doubled down on his mission to represent his boxing background in pro wrestling, bringing fellow pugilists, Jumbo Butt and Violence Valdez into a new faction, the Sweet Science Society. While Banner may still remain a slight favorite here, thanks to his more well rounded skillset and his potential to attack Turner's weaknesses on the mat and in the clinch, one cannot overlook the boxer's slick footwork and one punch knockout ability. Rory Banner will have to work doubly hard to avoid the Kronk Overhand if he wants to retain.

SWA Heavyweight Title Opportunity Bout
Blan Fleming with Max Bertrand vs. Red Dragon
While Max Bertrand may have recently established his dominance over the SWA with the addition of Olympic Medalist July Eagle to the All American Athletes and his victory over Karts Rowdy for the SWA Heavyweight title, his hegemony is far from unquestioned. Turkish-American standout Yusuf Aydin, Red Dragon has been on a run of his own, and at SWA Premium Special, accepted the opportunity to take on Bertrand's teammate, Blanchard Fleming, with a win securing a shot at the Heavyweight title. Fleming will not be an easy obstacle to overcome, having utterly annihilated the legendary Grateful Saeba as of late, and standing as the organization's longest reigning champion in his own right.

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu vs. Luta Livre
Thiago Gracie and Jamie Tomasi vs. Jose Santos and Sophia Rodrigues
Two teams of iconic Brazilian masters of their styles and their top students will challenge each other here in a tag format. Thiago Gracie's resume is unquestionable, a true legend in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, as much for his long list of students as for his own accomplishments in competition. His current top red belt, Jamie Tomasi has taken great strides as of late and looks to again fight for his black belt promotion at Lariats and Legislators 2020 against his teacher. Tomasi may well be looking to follow in the footsteps of Sophia Rodrigues, the quick punching Witch of the SWA, who defeated her own formidable instructor in Luta Livre, Jose Santos to bring an end to his stranglehold over the SWA Prestige title at Premium Special. The long antagonistic history of BJJ and Luta Livre will carry on, and both teams will undoubtedly fight hard to prove the superiority of their respective styles.

UCSS Rules
July Eagle vs. Anaba Camacho
The Modern Olympian, July Eagle recently signed with the SWA, joining up with the All American Athletes, and proclaiming his desire to claim the SWA Prestige title. First, though, Eagle will accept a crossover match with an old protege in UCSS's Navajo Thunderbird, Anaba Camacho. Eagle's elite athleticism and Camacho's vicious suplexes will be well tested in this one.

MATWORK(Cherry Blossom Ikki and Thomas Lancashire with Mikazuki) vs. Mackenzie Bergeron and Eliza Faulkner(CWC)
Two excellent teams of catch style experts will face off in this one, as MATWORK looks to overcome a loss to the Canadian Dream Team with a win over another Canadian in Mackenzie Bergeron and the CWC's ever-dangerous leglock specialist, Eliza Faulkner. While MATWORK may have a size advantage with Thomas Lancashire and the services of Mikazuki at ringside, Bergeron and Faulkner have been known to bring an abrupt end to a match if they get a chance.

UCSS Rules
Leona Sterling(Phoenix Rising) vs. Swingin' Suzie
No doubt about it, this is a tune up match for Sterling, who takes on her long time adversary, Candace Monroe in a Gruesome Cage Fight at Lariats and Legislators. While Monroe is undoubtedly a favorite of UCSS management, being the teammate of Commissioner Alger's daughter, Sterling has also been a favored guest prospect, and it is believed that the Commissioner set this match up with the UCSS senior trainer to equal Monroe's greater activity in recent weeks. Although Leona should succeed here without concern, Swingin' Suzie is known for punishing those who take a win against her for granted with her hard hitting striking.

UCSS vs. SWA Showcase
Dangerous Nicholas Alger, Count Savage, Onika Santos and Mr. Nobunaga(Lightning Pro) vs. Grateful Saeba, "Newface" John Smith, Baron Charles and Abbie Jones
A big lineup for both sides here in a four on four showcase showdown, with Dangerous Nicholas Alger captaining an eclectic variety of UCSS and L-Pro talent up against Grateful Saeba and his own batch of unique competitors. Mr. Nobunaga makes a rare return to the ring here from his regular duties in the L-Pro Dojo, and with the balanced hybrid style of Alger, the Capoeira of Santos and the esoteric mysterious approach of Savage, will anchor his squad. On the other hand, Saeba's hard kicks and experience should mesh well with Newface's enthusiasm, the head games of The Hentai and the submission work of Jones.

David Houston vs. Della Dwight with "Textbook" Tim Dwight
Two young prospects with can't miss potential will open up the show, as Della Dwight greets the Antigravity Kid, David Houston to the UCSS ring in a standard rules bout. Houston is seen by many as the next big Junior Heavyweight star in the making, while Dwight brings rare dimensions and athleticism paired with the training of her father, and was the subject of a major bidding war among the Office promotions for months when she made her decision to turn professional.

[Senator Phillips]

UCSS and SWA Renewal action tonight on the Senatorial Streaming Service at 8:00 PM (CT) in a night of crossover contests with the long awaited faceoff between Rory Banner and Andronicus Turner headlining the night with a titanic UCSS Openweight title match! Red Dragon has his own chance to earn a shot at gold as he faces Blan Fleming for a shot at the SWA Heavyweight title, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu goes up against Luta Livre with Thiago Gracie and Jamie Tomasi taking on Sophia Rodrigues and Jose Santos, and much, much more!

www.twitch.tv/senatorphillips

---

"Big Banter" Rory Banner: I tried so very hard to preserve Andronicus Turner from the abject humiliation which he will now experience in short order. After all, he was at one point a member of the Big Banter Brand, and let no man say that I am anything but magnanimous. But Morgan Matthews believed that the failing of the team he assembled to obliterate several chair swinging bums fell directly upon my shoulders and as such, I can no longer spare Andronicus from the depths he will fall to. I have been one of the most dominant champions in all of combat sports ever since I took this Openweight title. This will become all the more apparent on Friday. For those utter dossers who waste their time crying out with the absurd claim that I somehow "ducked" Andronicus, I want you to ponder these facts: Andronicus is an excellent puncher. But I am proficient at punching. Andronicus has no mat skills whatsoever. None. I, on the other hand, am well schooled in the submission arts and my Banner Effect has earned me many wins. He cannot deal with kicks, throwing none of his own, and lacking the ability to check them properly. I, myself, am an accomplished kickboxer. He only uses the clinch in a basic, defensive style. I use it for offence, initiating the takedown, throwing brutal knees from the tieup. Were he willing to put in the work to adapt to his current sport, perhaps I would be more concerned, but a one dimensional puncher is simply not a threat.

Banner: Now, do not get me wrong, Andronicus is not without his qualities, he would not have been in the Brand were he not. But he is simply not anywhere near my class. I hate to do this, but I will bring his unfortunate aspirations to an end when we fight, and then I will speak to Nicholas Alger to find me some real competition worthy of a rarified gem such as myself. Someone of my quality deserves better, and I will demand better. That, after all, is what the Big Banter Brand is all about. Seeking out the cream of the crop, and elevating it far above the mediocre mob. And while I once thought Andronicus Turner was worthy of such an honor, he has proven as of late, that he will end up like the rest, a step below the best. And I am nothing less than the best, my country's finest.

---

Andronicus Turner: Let me get this straight, Banner goes on one of his usual loudmouth rants, talking about how well rounded he is, and I'm not, saying he tried to do me a favor by ducking out of the title shot he promised. What a load of shit. First off, yeah, Banner might be a jack of all trades, but I've got the ace card in my hands. He says I should have worked on rounding out my skills, but as far as I'm concerned, that's just dulling my edge. From the indys to HONOO to UCSS, my goal has never changed. I'm here to represent what I learned at the Kronk Gym, I'm here to show that boxing isn't just a blast from the past, but it's the legit truth. I want to show that my footwork's good enough to negate anything kickboxers throw at me, that I can punch my way through any clinch, that I'm too slick to end up on the mat, hit too hard, too fast to let you put your plan into effect.

Turner: So yeah, it's an absolute joke and everyone knows it, Banner saying he did me a favor. He knows he doesn't want any part of these fists. He remembers how many times he stepped out of sparring for every excuse in the book, when he and I both know he got tuned up. Look, I'm not saying I'm taking him lightly, for all his prissy diva nonsense, Banner can fight. He doesn't like to push himself, but he's legit good enough to hold that title even when he's pissed management off and stacked things against himself. And yeah, he's good at things I'm not so great at. So I'm far from thinking this is an easy win. Get too cocky, and you get your block knocked off. I've had to work for this one, in the gym, working with the Dangerous One himself, yeah, Big Shot Alger's worked with me one on one to get me ready for this. I've worked with my Sweet Science Society, with Violence Valdez, with Jumbo Joseph Butt, and we've all pushed each other to new levels. I've done my roadwork, I've killed it in strength and conditioning. I'm doing everything I can to make sure that when the time comes, the only thing that's going to happen here, is that I'm going to walk out of that ring with the Openweight title in my hands. Has Banner been working that hard? Does he want this that badly? Let's see.

[Senator Phillips]

A satisfying main event headlined a fast paced night of action, with the SWA and UCSS fitting together like they were made for each other.

RESULTS

UCSS x SWA: The New Union
8:00 PM (CT) on Friday, December 11 at the Charles Sumner Gymnasium in Washington, DC

Bonus Match
"Death Prince" Ernest Miller vs. Virgil de Boer

Virgil de Boer was somewhat displeased with Rory Banner's loss, enough so to change into his fighting gear directly after the main event, and told officials he was ready for any challenger. Enter Ernest Miller. The Death Prince arrived, and took the fight to the Dutch Muay Thai Enforcer. While de Boer fought the good fight, connecting with impressive combinations, Miller's single shot power in his kicks was the deciding factor, with a big high roundhouse in the third round keeping de Boer down for the ten count.

Main Event: UCSS Openweight Title Bout
"Big Banter" Rory Banner(C) with Sanem Becker and Virgil de Boer vs. Andronicus Turner with Jumbo Joseph Butt and Ricky "Violence" Valdez


After months of avoiding this match through creative and flat out brazen tactics, Rory Banner finally had to answer the challenge of Andronicus Turner. From the opening seconds of the match, Turner landed a sharp jab that opened a cut on Banner's head, setting the table for what followed. While Banner landed some heavy knees and quick throws, it was Turner's match through and through, and after a furious flurry early in the third round, Andronicus Turner dropped Rory Banner, scoring a knockout victory and the UCSS Openweight title! He did not have long to celebrate, however, as a certain snappily dressed Irishman headed straight to the ring to confront him.

Ewan Jacobs: If you have the guts, Turner, face me at Lariats! Earn a real paycheck for facing a real man!

Andronicus Turner: You know what? I accept!

And as such, Turner will face Jacobs in a non-title match at Lariats and Legislators.

SWA Heavyweight Title Opportunity Bout
Blan Fleming with Max Bertrand vs. Red Dragon

A spirited effort early on from Yusuf Aydin pushed an already irritated Blanchard Fleming into his danger zone, and the former SWA Ace unleashed fury upon receiving a brainbuster on the outside, answering with repeated Germans and utterly battering Dragon back in the ring with chops and suplexes before finishing him with a running shoulder block. Max Bertrand will defend his title another day, and the SWA will have to look again for a potential challenger.

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu vs. Luta Livre
Thiago Gracie and Jamie Tomasi vs. Jose Santos and Sophia Rodrigues

One of the better matches of the night, with both teams showing their class and skill on the mat, Gracie and Tomasi relentlessly attacking the arms of their foes while Rodrigues and Santos targeted the legs, especially later in the match. Even so, it would be Sophia Rodrigues who would score a counter armbar win on Thiago himself, claiming yet another astounding win on her record for the year.

UCSS Rules
July Eagle vs. Anaba Camacho

An even contest in the first round, with July Eagle perhaps looking to pull ahead as the match went along, but the second round ended up disastrously for the Modern Olympian as Anaba Camacho hit a deadlift German out of the back mount position, knocking Eagle clean out in the process, scoring a major upset in the process.

MATWORK(Cherry Blossom Ikki and Thomas Lancashire with Mikazuki) vs. Mackenzie Bergeron and Eliza Faulkner(CWC)

Solid match for Bergeron and Faulkner, but this was Cherry Blossom Ikki's night to shine and the Vale Tudo Legend would eventually submit Faulkner by means of his bottom guard kimura lock. MATWORK may be a rather unlikely team on the surface level, with Lancashire and Ikki demonstrating an impressive level of affinity despite their lack of team experience and disparate nationalities.

UCSS Rules
Leona Sterling(Phoenix Rising) vs. Swingin' Suzie

Swingin' Suzie showed here that despite her typical status as a referee and a trainer, she still packs a punch and remains in phenomenal shape for her age, gaining a near fall late in the match and landing her favorite Suzie-Q overhand down the stretch. However, despite a slow start, Leona Sterling weathered the storm, and was able to follow through in the end with a brutal high kick combination, showing her quality heading into her showdown with Candace Monroe.

UCSS vs. SWA Showcase
Dangerous Nicholas Alger, Count Savage, Onika Santos and Mr. Nobunaga(Lightning Pro) vs. Grateful Saeba, "Newface" John Smith, Baron Charles and Abbie Jones

A wild chaotic battle of some of the most colorful characters of both UCSS and SWA's rosters, with Baron Charles anchoring his side and confounding his foes with his unorthodox tactics and brazen mindgames, but it would be Dangerous Nicholas Alger who would take the win for the UCSS squad, by landing one of his trademark Dangerous Kicks on Abbie Jones, the trusty high roundhouse working as well as ever.

David Houston vs. Della Dwight with "Textbook" Tim Dwight

Della may have started out strong here, using her size and leverage to control her smaller foe, but David Houston presented a good case why he might be the SWA's single fastest rising star of any weight class as he turned up the pace and finished Dwight with a picture perfect German suplex hold.

---

Match of the Night: Gracie and Tomasi vs. Santos and Rodrigues
-The BJJ vs. Luta Livre match delivered, especially in the latter phase, with the grappling sequences thrilling and Sophia Rodrigues once again showing why she has taken the SWA Prestige Division by storm.

Performer of the Night: Andronicus Turner
-While Rodrigues did well and Anaba Camacho scored a massive win, Andronicus Turner's spirited, heartfelt ascent to the top of Universal Combat Shoot Style was truly the only option here. And who didn't enjoy seeing Rory Banner get punched in the face?

---

Injury Report

July Eagle: Dislocated Shoulder (Two Month Medical Suspension: Vetoed)
-An interesting situation. While Anaba Camacho's German suplex may have injured July Eagle's shoulder, and the medical staff recommended a two month suspension, word has it that Morgan "Midas" Matthews immediately sent a message down from the front office that the suspension was to be negated with Eagle joining with his fellow All American Athletes for next week's Lariats and Legislators event.

---

Announced matches for Lariats 2020:

All American Athletes(Max Bertrand, Blan Fleming and July Eagle) vs. Mercenaries in Exile(Demarcus Browning(Blackrose), Moustapha Ndour and Renate Barlowe)

UCSS Rules: Non-Title Match
Andronicus Turner vs. Ewan Jacobs

---

On his way to the back, title slung over a shoulder, with Ricky Valdez and Joseph Butt at his side, Andronicus Turner strutted over to Kevin "The Internet" Anderson at the interview station.

Kevin "The Internet" Anderson: And I'm right here with Andronicus Turner and the Sweet Science Society. How does it feel to have won that belt, Andronicus?

Andronicus Turner: I'll tell you what, Kevin Anderson, it feels like the biggest rush you've ever experienced, times three! I did what I said I would do, I beat Rory Banner, I won this belt, this gold right here proves that everything Emmanuel Steward taught me was legit! This belt is proof that boxing can beat any style! Any style! I have the confidence that my fists are more than equal to anything anyone brings at me! And that includes that ridiculous little Irish punk that called me out! Yeah, I'm talking about!

A commotion is heard, as Ricky Valdez whips around, blocking a haymaker punch that shot out from behind the curtain of the entranceway, staggering back as he absorbed the impact on his raised forearms. A second fist punched straight through his guard, as Ewan Jacobs emerged through the cloth, only for Jumbo Joseph Butt to catch him from behind and pinion his arms behind his back.

Andronicus: And you thought you could catch me off guard? Bitch, please, I've played chess my whole life, like my old man taught me! I'm always thinking several moves ahead, and I know what you do! I remember you KOed Blade Saeba out of nowhere, I remember how you got kicked out of every MMA fed! My guys have my back!

Ewan Jacobs: They can't help you next week! Next week, I rip your head clean off with my punches! You're just a man, but I'm a god of fighting! And when I make you look like the B-tier fighter that you are, I will demand that your little UCSS hand over that trinket to me!

Andronicus: Want a shot? Just earn it.

Jacobs: I'll beat you so bad that you'll give it to me! KILL RIP MAME TEAR KILL RIP MAME TEAR KILL RIP MAME TEAR KILL RIP MAME TEAR!

Andronicus: Damn, shut up already!

Before Turner can throw a big overhand at the rabidly shouting Jacobs, Rory Banner can be seen passing by the interview station, holding an icepack on his head, a big bandage over his forehead. Turner looks over, while Banner raises a middle finger with his opposite hand, only for Sanem Becker to catch up and drag him along.

[Senator Phillips]

And here we are, headed right into the final two nights of Senatorial Office action of 2020! Night One of Lariats and Legislators 2020 will air at a special time at 9:00 PM (CT) on Thursday, an hour later than the usual Office start time. Night One may be the appetizer before the main course of Friday's super event, but even so, expect some of the biggest matches of the year, with John Logan making his first Golden Touch appearance against Young Blood in the main event, with Felix Santana Sr. going up against the New Humanity, the Infamous Ewan Jacobs challenging the new UCSS Openweight champ, Andronicus Turner, and much, much more!


Lariats and Legislators 2020: Night One
9:00 PM (CT) on Thursday, December 17th at the Beltway Hippodrome in Washington, DC

Golden Touch Leader of the Pack Match
John Logan(Warrior Pro) vs. Young Blood
One of this year's most shocking pro wrestling moments took place recently, with the John Logan finally winning the Warrior Pro Heavyweight Championship...and signing immediately afterwards with Golden Touch Promotions. Logan expects to make a major league splash worthy of his name and accomplishments as he steps over into Midas's organization. With the gleaming mogul having high hopes for his newest acquisition and with Young Blood having lost the PEWA Extreme title, the Senatorial Office #1 and a good part of his aura as the year went along, an opening has presented itself, should John Logan be able to reach out and grasp it.

SPOILER: Click to show

Stanford Bradley: Oh yeah, you know you were twitching uncontrollably, scratching at the walls and howling at the moon as you suffered from withdrawals from the Funny Factory! But never fear, 'cause Uncle Stanford's back in the driver's seat, and he's gonna take you for a ride! First off, let me just get something off my chest here. You people have to understand, I've been through some stuff, I've seen things, lived life to the brim, and spilled it on over a bit. And when you've done enough of that, you're either fit for the glue factory, or you got some poetry in ya, babay! So let me indulge myself and give you a little treat of what I like to call "Stanford's Real Deal Poetry:"

Stanford: And the blood red moon passed over the cerulean sea
- the singer did croon as the bird flew free
- and my supervisor wrote me up for telling that idiot to go stuff it!

Stanford: Alright, alright, that was great, you must admit, you felt that in your bones. But I can keep going? Should I? I dunno...but I will!
The Dumbass spoke to Mr. Stickler, who passed it along
-The words made no sense, and I told everyone they were wrong
-But when they all group up together, they're just too strong
-so I attended another meeting, this time, with the idea to sing them my song
-and I told them, you can take this job and shove it, I don't work here no mooooorrrrrre!

Stanford: Hold your applause, I just realized that I didn't come here to make up nonsense workplace ditties, I'm here to speak on the behalf of the single most misunderstood, underappreciated, misused, underrated man in the entire Office, yeah, you know it, I'm here to speak for Young Blood! So, yeah, I see that Midas, in all his wonderful golden wisdom and total wizard like negotiating skills managed to sign up a big name to our Golden Touch VIP Club. Yeah, he didn't just get some nobody, he picked up motherfriggin' Warrior Pro champ, John Logan! Let's all hear it for John Logan! I know I was excited to see someone like him join up! But then, I hear from my man Young Blood, and he said "fuck that fuckin piece of fuckshit." or something like that. And I asked "why would you ever say that about someone as awesome as John Logan, who worked so hard to be the champ and proved himself and came over here to join our team?" And Young Blood then picked me up and stuffed me in the garbage can. True story. But yeah, he told me I had a few messages to pass along for this match. And I'm going to try to translate Young Blood into actual conversational English here, so here goes:

Stanford: John Logan might think he's the big dog headed over here to Golden Touch, to the VIP Club, but he hasn't proven himself, at all. It doesn't matter what he did over there in any other fed, it doesn't matter what anyone writes about him, all that matters is what he's done here in the Office, and as far as we can see, he hasn't done anything. So, if Midas is going to make him the leader of the Club, he's going to have to earn it. He's going to have to deal with someone who doesn't give a damn about his own well being. He's going to have to deal with someone who enjoys the pain and the suffering that he inflicts more than winning matches or holding useless titles given away by suit wearing losers in their stuffy boardrooms. If Logan can do that, then he can sit on the golden throne...sorry, I keep remembering that Midas actually has a golden toilet in his corporate property...one moment. Ok, now that I got that out of my system, let's finish this. Yeah, Young Blood doesn't care at all about anything but hurting people, and if Logan wants to be the field marshal, he doesn't care, at all about that. But what he does care about, is letting anyone walk in here and step over him for anything. It's not about the prize, it's about how you get there, ok, that doesn't make any sense, but from my notes, that's the best you're getting! So Logan-Young Blood, Lariats, let's get it on, let's get ready to ruummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmble!

Felix Santana Sr. with Felix Santana Jr. vs. The New Humanity with El Experto
A challenge issued from El Experto following Felix Santana Sr's thrilling MOTY contending bout against Valentina Verda led to a match with the New Humanity, Esteban Vargas. Although Vargas is arguably the best athlete ever to compete in professional wrestling, his ability to execute in the ring has been lacking for the most part, to the degree that he found himself cast out of the Golden Touch "VIP" roster. Experto, as always, seemed to have a plan in mind when he put the pieces in place for this one, and Felix Senior undoubtedly is aware of the Rudo EX leader's habits, in requesting his son to serve as backup at ringside.

SPOILER: Click to show

Felix Santana Senior: (Translated from Spanish) <Esteban Vargas has a lot of nerve. He has come up short over and over again! All I ever hear is Crossfit this, Crossfit that, they tell me this guy is such a superathlete he can do anything in the ring, he can jump higher than a tall building, slam harder than an atomic bomb, flip around like a peso tossed into the air, lift a pickup truck on his shoulders, even his special suit makes him a superhero! But there's one thing he hasn't been able to do consistently. The New Humanity might be the future athlete and he might be something that people have not seen before...but the bastard can't put together two wins to save his life! And he thinks he can challenge me, Felix Santana Sr.? I'm old as hell, but everyone who wrote me off in this last year found out they did that far too early! I admit it, I can't do all those gymnastics anymore, and I don't care to throw out my back trying to throw giants over my head. But winning matches? Kid, I forgot more than you'll ever know when it comes to that! And I'll show you one more time just how much I still have left!

---

El Experto: <Felix, my old friend, you have made the worst mistake of a long career. Worse than allowing Rudo EX to proliferate in your territory. Worse than all those years ago when I cracked your skull with the cold steel of a cheap chair. Worse than picking a fight with El Macho and Paco Pequeno. Even worse than willingly giving up your treasured family company to join with the Texans. No, I will say no more, and will leave you to discover just how broad and how deep my expertise does carry. For far be it from me to save you from walking into your own worst nightmare.>

UCSS Rules: Non Title Bout
Ewan Jacobs vs. Andronicus Turner
Following Andronicus Turner's win over Rory Banner to secure the UCSS Openweight title, Ewan Jacobs issued a brash challenge to the new champ. The recent SWA signing and MMA outcast is well known for his outbursts, raving rants and ambush tactics, and attempted to attack Turner later on during an interview, but was thwarted by the other members of Andronicus's Sweet Science Society. Both men have a reputation for packing serious knockout power in their hands, with Turner holding the overall edge in size and strength, while Jacobs is clearly the better grappler and the faster competitor.

SPOILER: Click to show

Ewan Jacobs: Anyone who saw what happened out there knows the truth! They know that Andronicus Turner hides from me! They know that he can't take one of my punches! All it takes is one time, and his life changes forever! Do the right thing, Turner, if you don't want to be a drooling mess before you reach old age, just hand me your belt and walk away! Because if you do not, you will suffer terrible things! My punches hit hard enough to kill! My punches rip at your flesh! My punches mame your face! My punches tear your head clean off! KILL RIP MAME TEAR! KILL RIP MAME TEAR! KILL RIP MAME TEAR!

---

Andronicus Turner: Man, that little Irish guy talks a big game. But if Jacobs thinks I'm going to back away because he ran his mouth, he doesn't have a clue. Sure, he's actually pretty good, but the funny thing about my boxing, is that it gives me all the tools to take away what he does best. He was a big MMA superstar, and he threw it all away with his stupid stunts and just being flat out crazy. Yeah, maybe I didn't have the success in boxing that he had in MMA. But I never lost because I lost my discipline. I lost because I still had a lot to learn and improvements to make. I don't throw anything away. I either go out on my shield or I'm holding it high in victory. Just like I left the ring the other night holding the UCSS Openweight title up. I put in the work. I'm getting better every time I fight. Is Jacobs doing that? Or is he too busy playing the hype game to realize that he's about to get himself passed by? Let's find that out.

Thiago Gracie Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Black Belt Promotional Match
Thiago Gracie vs. Jamie Tomasi
Another chance for Tomasi to finally seek his BJJ Black Belt from the Armbar Grandmaster. While previous attempts from Tomasi have come up short, he's shown impressive progress over the last few months. Many have also believed that Gracie has regressed in 2020, perhaps finally starting to transition closer towards running his school full time and away from the main event scene in UCSS. A great performance here could renew Gracie as much as it could boost Tomasi, but for fans of pure grappling, this could well be the highlight of the entire two night event, with both men knowing each other's counters through and through.

SPOILER: Click to show

Thiago Gracie: Is good, you beat Thiago, be black belt.

Jamie Tomasi: Yes, I would love to do that. But I know what you've taught me. Nothing that I don't earn is worth a damn.

Thiago: You show true hespect. You know the way Thiago teach, you learn.

Jamie: Hey, Thiago, I know they say you've been slipping, but I don't care what they say, if I can get this win, that doesn't just mean I get the right to wear a black piece of cloth. That's just what I show off. If I beat you though, what really matters, is that I've finally proven that I'm not just your student anymore, that everything I've learned from you, I'm able to put it into action. That makes me a black belt because of the hours, months, years I put in, back in the gym, all the traveling to competitions, the books and videos you made me study, all the drills, the rolling, all of that will prove me a black belt. And I wouldn't be able to say that if you didn't push me, share your knowledge, build my mentality, make me see how to make Jiu-jitsu work better in pro wrestling.

Thiago: Not time yet for speech. Wait until win. Then you speak words for thanks, words for this, for that. But now, no words, just show.

Jamie: Just you wait, I'll show you plenty out there...victory by armbar.

Thiago: Is good. Is only way.

The All American Athletes(Blan Fleming, Max Bertrand and July Eagle)(SWA) vs. Mercenaries in Exile(Demarcus Browning(Blackrose), Moustapha Ndour and Renate Barlowe)
The All American Athletes have run the show as of late in the SWA, with the success of Max Bertrand winning the SWA Heavyweight title and both Fleming and Eagle operating on a high level. They will have a chance to branch out and demonstrate their abilities as they face off against a rare full team showing of the Mercenaries in Exile, with Renate Barlowe joining the War Bringers in battle. Demarcus Browning has been nothing short of a force of nature in his recent Sakura Pro performances and Moustapha Ndour made waves in his PEWA debut, although coming up just short of a win in the #1 contender royale. While the Athletes will likely be favored here, due to their far greater overall experience and impressive resumes, with both Fleming and Bertrand having reigned in singles and tag divisions and Eagle's Olympic Gold standing out, the Mercs have not been slouches, with Browning already having earned titles on his own and in tag action with Ndour, and Barlowe has shown an ability to keep up with main event level competition.

SPOILER: Click to show

Max Bertrand: This is stupid! Why are we fighting these people? I should be defending my title here! Ain't that right?

Blanchard Fleming: You know how this game is played, Max. The powers that be used us, promoted us, made truckloads of money off us, but when we stopped speaking the words they put in our mouth, when we started seeing the people for what they really are, they hit us with the mother of all downgrades. They can't ignore us, but they also want to make sure we know our place, and that we know that proud red, white and blue warriors are supposed to be a thing of the past. So then, they want to give these Mercenaries a boost. They want to build their names off our backs. And I say, that doesn't happen here! That doesn't happen to the All American Athletes!

July Eagle: I don't know if I see it that way. Seems more like they just want to put as many people on this card as possible, and instead of only booking Max and his belt, they want to get a legitimate powerlifting SWA Ace on the card, they want to get the Modern Olympian on the card, even if I'm not at a hundred percent and they want to take full advantage of all we have to offer! And that's what I'm ready to give back, I'm going to give them the best I have, because that's what the best bring to the table! When I won the Olympic Gold Medal, my body was pretty much a living, walking injury all together, so a little dinged up shoulder doesn't mean jack squat, especially with the All American Athletes at my side!

---

Moustapha Ndour: War Bringers and Mercenaries and Athletes, it's like an all star game of pro wrestling.

Renate Barlowe: Don't get too star struck here.

Ndour: Hah, you worry too much, Renate, I'm too cool for that. Those Athletes are real good, but Demarcus and I hit harder than anyone they've faced. You've got the tools to break legs and get us paid. We Mercs are gonna make ourselves look like a million bucks.

Barlowe: It's a paycheck, that much is for sure.

Ndour: And I'm making sure that you get every cent you're looking for, and you can take that to the bank!

Barlowe: These are serious opponents. Bertrand's suplexes won him the SWA title. Fleming might be as strong as you two, and was the top person in their company for years, Eagle has an Olympic Gold Medal and has the athletic ability and the skill to go with it.

Ndour: Not sure what you're getting at, Renate, we're pretty badass ourselves. Browning's legit running Sakura Pro, I'm just getting started, but I got tools that nobody can deal with when I'm at my best, and you got experience and killer instinct. So what, we don't have their trophies. We got what we got and that brings us to the dance, too. Yeah, I hear you, I'll watch the film, I'll do what I got to do. Demarcus shows up and he's always a threat. Afraid you can't keep up with us young fresh lions out there?

Barlowe: Hmph. I'll hold up my end.

Ndour: We got this, Renate, we got this!

Gruesome Cage Battle: UCSS Openweight #1 Contender Match
Candace Monroe(Phoenix Rising) vs. Leona Sterling(Phoenix Rising)
Two of Phoenix Rising's top rising prospects will return to their mixed martial arts roots and do battle once more within the confines of the dodecahedron cage to determine the next UCSS Openweight #1 Contender spot. While Candace Monroe has found substantial success with her Limbtakers team paired with Ruthless Nicole Alger, Leona Sterling has struggled somewhat to maintain any momentum upon graduating from the Blackwood Academy. Her Red Alert team with Aoife Daley has hit multiple setbacks and while always a threat, Sterling has not managed to secure any gold on the main roster in Phoenix Rising or UCSS. Both Monroe and Sterling have had a fierce rivalry that predates their pro wrestling careers, and the unforgiving confines of the Gruesome Cage will serve as a crucible for each.

Night #1 Preliminary Main Event
G.P. Christopher vs. Kevin Fitsharris
The King of the Openers has claimed the Preliminary Main Event for both nights, and will take on one half of the Capitalists, Kevin Fitsharris to kick off the two night extravaganza. GPC has been one of 2020's brightest stars in the Office, while Fitsharris has mostly restricted himself to front office work. However, GPC has been known to fight to the level of his opposition at times, with his loss to Wataru Nakajima serving as a prime example, and Fitsharris has proven in his sporadic in-ring appearances that he still can keep up when he does step between the ropes.

SPOILER: Click to show

Kevin Fitsharris: So what, Kalb gets the big deal match, I get to open up this bad boy, first match of the whole big deal!

Mina Fitsharris: And you better make the best of it. Don't let GPC make you look like you don't belong. Want to make me proud? At least make this last fifteen minutes.

Kevin: Fifteen? Piece of cake...I think.

Mina: Juliette and I have a bet riding on that. She told me she didn't think you had it in you to last ten minutes.

Kevin: She would say that, wouldn't she? I'll show her, though! She'll find out I can last far longer than ten minutes!

Mina: Phrasing.

Kevin: What?

Mina: Oh, nothing.

[Senator Phillips]

This is it, the single biggest card of the entire year of 2020, the final night of Office action for the year and the biggest Ranking match perhaps in Office history! There's Cogburns and Outlaws and Geese and Rudos and Exoticos and more incredible matches than you can shake a stick at!


Lariats and Legislators 2020 - Night Two
8:00 PM (CT) on Friday, December 18 at the Capitol Arena in Washington, DC

Senatorial Office #1 Ranking Bout, PEWA Extreme Title Bout
Jean-Pierre Mutombo(C) vs. Hobo Harry vs. Annie Chang
The ultimate main event for Lariats and Legislators 2020 will feature the undisputed top two stars of the entire Office with Senatorial Office Number One and Pan African Champion, Jean-Pierre Mutombo and PEWA Extreme champ, Hobo Harry squaring off...with the added variable of Annie Chang in the mix. Chang, having earned this chance from an incredibly unlikely win in a PEWA battle royale for a shot at the Extreme title, will have a chance to become the Extreme champion by winning the match, and incredibly, will also have the ability to become the Number One in the process. Mutombo's Pan African title is not on the line, and nor can he win the Extreme title by winning. Harry's incredible run as of late includes wins over Kevin Royce and Blood Angel, and the CCW Junior Heavy Cup, making the two decade veteran an incredibly unlikely superstar at this phase in his career. JPM, for his part, took the Number One away from Young Blood's long, destructive reign and defended the Pan African title on the last PAW show against his long time rival, King Bemba. Both have a strong case to be made here for their victory, but as Annie Chang has proven before, the third generation brawler should not be forgotten about in the mix.

SPOILER: Click to show

Annie Chang: No Mina, no Juliette, just Annie here. And I am as nervous as I am thrilled to have this chance. JPM is an amazing champ. Hobo's the coolest guy I know in the world. But if they think this match is mainly between them, then I'm gonna show them just what I can do out there! Ok, I really don't have much more to say right now, but you better be ready, because if I win this, you'll never hear me shut up ever again.

---

Hobo Harry: Hah, look at this here, I keep thinkin' I seen everything that I could see in this an' be happy to call it a day. But it's like I got a ticket to the top of the world an' got myself the biggest match I ever got or ever will have gotten! Annie, you better be serious out there! This ain't playing around anymore! This is for all the marbles! We gotta throw everything we got out there! But I ain't worried. You don't get this chance if you don't get it. And I know you get it. Just like I know I can't stop now, not gonna stop here, because this train keeps on rollin' on! JPM got everything goin' for him, but he better be ready for a Hobosault or two, or three, or four, hahah!

---

Jean-Pierre Mutombo: Greetings and salutations, people of the Senatorial Office and wrestling fans from around the world! It is I, Jean-Pierre, the African Supersensation, the Charisma King, the Man of Unity, the Pan African Champion, the Senatorial Office Number One! If I were not in such good shape, I would be tired just from repeating all of those titles! But I promise each and every one of my fans out there that I am in the very best condition for this most special match! And I must be so, because I have seen what Hobo Harry has done this year and it has impressed me very much! He is a great man, and he is just as great in the ring as he is away from it with all of the things that you have done for those worthy charities! I will have to be very careful not to lose to his super incredible Hobosault! All of the people he has beaten with it, I do not want to be the next! And Annie Chang, some may say you do not belong here, some may speak disparaging words about your ability to win...but those people are not Jean-Pierre! I see the fierce desire to be the very best that you can be, to show that you are more than your family name, that even now, as your career is closer to starting than ending, that you can prove your worth! I respect that so very much!

JPM: Yes, both of you have worthy motivations, ones that I understand into the deepest part of my being! But I cannot allow either of you to succeed, as sad as that is for me to say. Because for me to win, it is to keep carrying the flag of Pan African Wrestling into the future, to remind everyone that though they may spread us out across the world, we are still unified! And I am still the Man of Unity! I will win for Pan African Wrestling, for everyone who still believes in Pan Africa in their heart, for everyone who sees Pan Africa not just as a wrestling group, but as an ideal that trancends wrestling itself, but looks to find the common love that all of humanity can share, the great good we can do together! That is the motivation that is the fuel to my victory! That is what will drive me forward, not just on Friday, but for the year to come! Thank you all for listening to me, and I hope everyone will have the greatest enjoyment for my match on this Friday!

Geese Walker(OG-FPD) vs. Anthony Kalb
Geese Walker is on the top of people's lists of dream matches, from different eras and promotions, Walker is a common denominator when it comes to such wishes. By contrast, few would list Anthony Kalb on such a compilation. The former Senatorial Office Chairman and one half of the Capitalists rarely has been part of a dull contest, but just as rarely has he been seen on par with full time main event talent. Even so, one aspect of Kalb's surprisingly long career has been an unthinking willingness to take on such outmatched challenges, and as such, we find the current Head of Operations going up against OG-FPD's legendary icon. Walker's polished judo skills and vast array of destructive moves will be pitted against Kalb's potent Adam Smith Driver and his gritty brawling style, and while few, including Kalb himself, are expecting a win here, a fight will not be out of the question.

SPOILER: Click to show

Kevin Fitsharris: So, you really picked a big one this time, didn't you?

Anthony Kalb: I see you got GPC, not exactly taking it easy, yourself, Fitsy?

Fitsharris: Nah, I see you getting some mega legend match, and I figured at least I could be in a main event...even if it's the "Preliminary" one.

Kalb: I heard those quotation marks, hey, the Preliminary Main Event's a real thing, Christopher made it work...just make sure you make him work for that win.

Fitsharris: And just make sure you don't roll over and get KOed when Geese walks...or Walkers into the ring!

Kalb: Ugh. Ba dum ptsh. Really, Fitsy, that's awful, even for you.

Fitsharris: Sorry, can't help it, dad joke, Art and Peggy require I make corny jokes every day.

Kalb: You were making those before you even met Mina.

Fitsharris: True.

Kalb: So, Geese tells me I should be confident here. I think he wants me to legit get the sort of confidence that ol' Sennie had, give him an interesting match. I get it, it makes sense...but I'm too much of a details and back office sort of guy to look past the real facts of the matter.

Fitsharris: So why the hell'd you take this match? Got a death wish?

Kalb: Nah, I think I just like getting my brains scrambled.

Fitsharris: Then go drink as much vodka as you can handle!

Kalb: See, I do that, and there's zero chance of anything good happening. I get wasted, I get hungover, life really sucks for a bit, then I get back to every day life and that kinda sucks too at times. But this, this is the sort of thing, maybe I have to roll five sixes in a row, get a royal flush, win the lottery to make it, but it's something. It's not real hope, but it's more than nothing. If it looks too much like real hope, I don't believe in it because it doesn't make sense. But distant, maybe hope...that I can motivate myself with.

Fitsharris: Did you turn the lights down in here, because it's getting really dark in this office all of the sudden...oh wait, that's just your mood.

Kalb: Knock it off, Fitsy, you know what I'm saying. You got your wife and kids. For me, the dating scene dried up real bad this year, kinda tough to meet up with top shelf ladies when they all stay home. I lost my position in the Office and just do all the stupid paperwork now without having any decision making powers, I see Sennie's about to lose his recount, so I can't just transition over to work with him there, things are looking uglier each day. Sure, it could be a lot worse, but I don't feel like I've done so well lately. But this match, this match could be the way to turn a bit of that around. Say I win. Instant top five rankings, and all of the sudden, I'm a full time wrestler again on top of the Head of Operations stuff. Maybe I can rally things from that point, even from a good loss, maybe I can do that.

Fitsharris: And maybe if you want that so bad, you can just start getting yourself booked more? Just a thought...

Kalb: Yeah, yeah, but if I learned anything from working here on this end, it's that you need more than that, you need a hook. And that's why I have to give this my best shot. It's my hook. It's my grasp towards that stupid brass ring.

Fitsharris: Gold ring, around here.

Kalb: I have to fight Geese with everything I have. Leave it all out there. He beats me into oblivion, that's that. But I can do more. Maybe not enough to win, who knows, but I am confident that I can do enough to make this count. I will make this count, you'll see.

The Jackson Hole Outlaws(Doc Wyatt, Red Masterson, "Showtime" Byron Worthy and Roy Carter)(Warrior Pro) vs. Cowboy Johnston, Hailey Comet, Lil' Lariato and Marcos Angulo
For some time, the Jackson Hole Outlaws have vexed a number of members of the Senatorial Office's roster, particularly the TIWPF's Cogburn Ranch and to a lesser degree, the High Plains Drifters. While many have speculated that personality conflicts and divergent career directions may be in the process of splitting the dominant stable, the Outlaws will ride into the Capitol Arena on this Friday at full strength, with Doc Wyatt at the helm, Red Masterson, disgruntled that he may be, has been in top form, and Byron Worthy and Roy Carter have maintained their own team within the group. These four will be met with a trio of Cogburn Ranch stalwarts, with Cowboy Johnston taking the lead, Lil' Lariato at his side, and for the first time since giving birth in August to Johnston's child, Hailey Comet will return to the ring. Joining them will be the anchor of the High Plains Drifters, the Tijuana Wreckin' Ball, Marcos Angulo to complete a team that could well be the equal of their Warrior Pro foes.

SPOILER: Click to show

Duke Cogburn: Now listen up, you ragtag pilgrims. There's going to be a lot of people placing their hopes on what you do this Friday.

Walt Callahan: The TIPWF is not going to look...kindly, if you don't make this count.

Generalissimo Kool Q: My one beef is that I don't get to go out there and take my own shot at these punks.

Johnny Sixname: Same.

Lily-Anne Cogburn: And I told Walt that for once, I'm refusin' to ref this. The mother of my grandchild's out there, against those vulgar loud mouthed, locker room blocking, rule breaking, cheap shot artist, sons of perdition! And I can't guarantee I'll keep my judgement in a neutral fashion if they try anything with her!

Cowboy Johnston: Don't forget Stanley's daddy's out there, too!

Lily-Anne: Aw, you're a big roughneck, you can take it!

Lil' Lariato: Haha! That's why I love Mama Cogburn! Even if she does sometimes count fast when someone pins me out there!

Lily-Anne: I do nothing of the sort!

Lariato: Just joking, just joking!

Cowboy: Ah'm in a good mood, we got ourselves this here chance to put a real hurtin' on them Outlaws! Been too many times Red or Doc or Roy ran their mouth or did their dastardly deeds! This is what ah like to call payback time!

Lariato:
We'll run them down right out of town, send them on with a bloody frown
They ain't worth shit, not worth a spit, and they can't touch us, we're legit
We got big bad Johnston and the mother of his son, we got the Wreckin' Ball and the man from Houston
We hit harder than a ton, we've just about already won, they're headed for the fall, and it's gonna be fun
They think they...

Marcos Angulo: Hmph, enough already. All that matters, we kick their ass. No rap, no jokes, no games. Just kick their asses.

Cowboy: Ah cain't agree more! We get out there, it's gonna be full on war! They got this comin' to them!

Hailey Comet: They most certainly do! And there was nothin' in this whole wide world that was gonna keep me from showin' up with y'all an' bringin' some justice to these Jackson Hole boys! Not any injury! Not givin' birth to lil' Stanley! Nothin' at all! I don't know about y'all, but I don't give a good damn about what any of them said about me or any of us! I'm more pissed off about what they did when they locked me in the locker room with that big ugly Colossus Rhodes and beat down some of the best folks in Texas! I'm more angry about what they did to you on your last UCSS day, Marcos!

Marcos: Yep.

Hailey: I'm more ticked about how they ran you down, Lariato! And I'm not gonna sit back on that sideline any longer while all y'all get to throw bombs and throw down while I'm just throwing up! I've done everything I could do to get myself back into tip top shape, even with taking care of Stanley Wayne, no matter how tired or run down I got, I just remembered that there's a part of my life I put back on hold that I needed to get back to as soon as I possibly could! And you, Doc Wyatt, you better be scared! You, Red Masterson, don't think I can't chop you down to size! And you, Roy Carter, you know I want to punch you right in your vocal cords! Byron...you're alright, I suppose.

Cowboy: Yah, Prime Time's not so bad, just gotta hang out with the rest of 'em dudes.

Marcos: Yep.

Lariato: Byron's cool. Even if he's Lakers, through and through.

Hailey: But it don't matter one bit, because if you're with the Outlaws this Friday, I promise that you're livin' on borrowed time! And you can call each of us your debt collectors! Because we're gonna come in there and take years off your careers! We're gonna beat you down and break you up! And there ain't gonna be no more Outlaws anymore once we finish doin' what we're doin!

Two out of Three Falls Technical Challenge
Ibrahim Rahman vs. Valentina Verda
For years, two names have stood out when the talking heads and checkmarks have discussed the most talented pure wrestling specialists in the Senatorial Office. TIPWF Lone Star Heavyweight champion, Valentina Verda and the recently liberated addition to the Lightning Pro roster, Ibrahim Rahman have both been a step above the rest in their ability to execute clean techniques in the squared circle. Now, in what could be a dream match for fans of technical wrestling, Ibrahim Rahman and Valentina Verda will square off in a two out of three falls match, with both knowing that the other is capable of pulling off a startlingly fast fall with their expansive flash pin arrays. With Rahman's incredible handicap win over Crusher Honda and Wrecker Yamamoto, the Tunisian has proven himself worthy of a match with the decorated, perpetually top five ranked Verda, and this one will be a close of a call as any match on the card.

SPOILER: Click to show

Valentina Verda: When you won that match against Honda and Wrecker, I couldn't believe it, I really couldn't! And part of me was sad, because I thought that Midas for sure would want to make this match some day! And nobody ever really can get to me in my own style...but you could! And now, it's happening!

Ibrahim Rahman: It has been very long. So long. All I want is to fight the best. All the styles. But Morgan Matthews did not want that. He held me back. For years. But now I win my chance to reclaim honor. To reclaim purpose. I do not understand you. Your culture is...confusing to me. But in wrestling, I have understanding.

Verda: Just so you understand that you're about to get yourself wrestled into that mat really good, we'll get along wonderfully!

Rahman: What is the word...please give me this moment. I must seek this word. I am still learning to speak better English.

Verda: No problem at all, I like how you speak...

Rahman: That is the word. Hubris. You have hubris. Exaggerated pride or self confidence. You speak with confidence. But it is part false. You hide, behind the false confidence. You wish to believe. You wish me to believe, too. But you fear losing may be...the possibility.

Verda: Oh, I understand now! You're a psychoanalyst and a wrestler! Listen here, hot stuff, you never faced anything like me before.

Rahman: And I say the same for you.

Verda: Fair point! I guess we'll just have to see what happens out there!

Rahman: I readily await.

Dominican Golden Championship Unification Bout
Salvador Sosa(Lineal Champion) vs. Dungeon Dominguez(Interim Champion)
Much has changed since Salvador Sosa faced off against Young Blood on July 10th's Golden Touch #6 broadcast in a failed attempt at the Office Number One. Sosa seemed to be on the verge of the ultimate success of his career when Young Blood planted him on the outside with the infamous Last Will and Testament, obliterating Sosa's shoulder and taking him out of action. Now-former Santana Family Wrestling promoter, Felix Santana Sr. refused to strip Sosa of his Dominican Golden Championship, and instead, created an Interim belt, which the then-current El Froggy Mask would win. El Froggy would soon lose his belt to Dungeon Dominguez, and would depart from the promotion. Santana Family Wrestling would end up merging into the TIPWF. But Salvador Sosa would still remain as the lineal Dominican Golden Champion. And now, as Sosa makes his long awaited return to the ring, he will bring his belt, and his reputation with him in this unification bout against the Interim champion, Dominguez.

SPOILER: Click to show

Salvador Sosa: (Translated from Spanish) <One more Rudo Army Dispatch here on this morning, and it's your head honcho, your faithful leader, your commander in chief speaking.>

El Hijo de Macchiato <AAAAaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnd he's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!>

Sosa: <That's right. I'm reclaiming my place in the ring, after far, far too much time away.>

Canadian Grizzly: <The people of Canada cheer for you!>

Megan Chabot: <All of us do!>

Killer King Jones: <Eritrean royalty is in your supporter with much love!>

Sosa: <Damn...that doesn't sound right. Say that in English, sarge!>

Jones: We rarified kings of Eritera doth show our most gracious support for the continuation of your might reign, General Sosa!

Sosa: <That's more like it, big man. Now, listen up, faithful Rudo supporters. We got a tough one on our hands here this Friday. We got the guy who sent the Frog packing. We got a guy who's a hand puppet for corrupt flunkies, drug lords and the guy that our main man, El Jefe unmasked. We got a guy here who nobody can beat, not my good friend Felix Junior, not anyone who's tried. And everyone's telling me that I'm fragile as glass. They say I should take it easy and get myself back in the game with some warmup matches. Work back in easily, that's what they tell me to do.>

Macchiato: <BUT THAT'S NOT YOU!>

Sosa: <Exactly. Anyone telling me that doesn't know the first thing about me. I don't take easy matches. It's all or nothing. Dungeon's had a good run, but he hasn't faced me yet. And until I beat him, this title I have here sitting over my shoulder, it's just half a belt.>

Jones: Can't hold up your pants with half a belt!

Sosa: <I want to thank El Jefe for letting me keep this, though. He could have taken it, knowing I couldn't defend. But he made that temporary championship instead. Kept me in the running, and I'll remember that. I hear that Dungeon's puppeteer wants him going for the Lone Star. Guess that's supposed to be my top belt now that I'm TIPWF. But here's the thing. This belt means more, to me. I don't just want to keep this Dominican Golden Championship. I want to make it the biggest prize in Texas. And not just Texas, but anywhere. I've done what I had to do to get healthy. Had some setbacks. Had some work done on that shoulder. But now that I'm back, it's time to make an impact again. So, stay tuned, Rudos, I haven't even gotten started yet. The real mission's about to begin.

Legendary Tag Clash
The Bingo Hall Mutants(Rampage Rage and Skullface Killah) vs. The Vanishing(Blade Saeba and Notorious)(SWA)
Two of the greatest teams ever to compete on an Office broadcast will face off in this true dream match, with the PEWA Extreme Tag champions, the Bingo Hall Mutants going up against the SWA's Tag Team champions, the Vanishing. The Mutants have recently recovered their belts from the PEWA's Most Hated, and are roundly respected around the Critical Alliance for their consistency and their twenty plus year run. The Vanishing have proven themselves to be two of the most talented and versatile stars in all of wrestling in their own rights, and may well dominate the individual matchups here, although the Mutants have shown an ability to keep up with younger, faster foes time and time again.

SPOILER: Click to show

Blade Saeba: We have traveled all around the world, seeking to prove ourselves against the best, in every style we could find, in every country that would give us a fight! We have proven that no team in the SWA can stand up against us. But there is one team in the Senatorial Office that we must beat before we can truthfully call ourselves the best around.

Notorious: And that's the Bingo Hall Mutants! Rampage Rage and Skullface Killah've been two mighty strong foes, and we know when we fight them, we're in for a real knock down drag out war, that they'll be cutting us open, slamming us down, and battering us from all angles! But we have more than a few advantages of our own! They never met someone who hits as hard as I do!

Blade: They never met someone who gets up from anything, who shows the fighting spirit that I have!

Notorious: We'll show them just what the Vanishing is all about! You bastaaaards!

Blade: Shaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

---

Rampage Rage: Once more around the block, ain't that right, Skullface? You and me've seen just about everything there is to see in this game. But these two , the Vanishing, they've got something extra. Both of them kick serious ass. Each of them could be champs about anywhere. Ain't either of them got any weaknesses. If they put us all in one of those fancy computer games, they'd probably beat us ten times outta ten.

Skullface Killah: Hundred outta hundred!

Rampage: But this ain't no game! Nobody's pushin' any buttons here! Nobody's waggling any joysticks, clicking any mouse! And we're two OG bad boys from Philly who don't give two shits about who's supposed to win! Ain't nothing over until that ref calls for the bell! And before that happens, Skullface and I, we're gonna show you two Vanishing boys just what we're all about, just what it means to come up against the Bingo Hall Mutants, just how the PEWA style works! We're gonna drag you down into deep water, and beat on you like a butcher tenderizin' a steak!

Skullface: Bust you up!

Rampage: And we're going to make sure that win or lose, you don't stop feeling the effects of this war for months!

Skullface: For months!

Rampage: And when it's all said and done, and we've all gotten our shots in, and we're all finished up doing what we had to do...we got you guys covered with some real deal legit Philly BBQ, because that's part of the deal, too! We beat you halfway to the grave, and we feed you the best meal a wrestler deserves and have a few beers in the back!

Skullface: Gonna grill up real good! Real good!

Rampage: Damn, Skullface, I'm getting hungry already now...

Mr. Moonsault vs. Crusher Honda
Two of the Office's top performers will cross over from their usual feds to face off, with the seven foot flip machine of Wacker Drive Revival, Mr. Moonsault up against the perpetual Murder Train of Lightning Pro, Crusher Honda. This match will likely have ramifications for the post-Lariats rankings, Marcus Xavier already a lock for a top five spot and Honda not far away, in spite of her recent loss to GP Christopher in a title attempt. Both are among the very best in the game, and if both are at their best, this one will be entirely unpredictable.

SPOILER: Click to show

Mr. Moonsault: This is the sort of match that true competitors dream of. Crusher Honda is clearly one of the best around at what she does. She can do things few others can do. But then again, so can I. There's not much I can say about this match that the pundits aren't already saying. So let me announce this. If I win here, I demand a shot at the Number One. I've been at the peak of my performance over these last few months. And I think that with a win here, I will have proven that I'm ready to take that next step up, to the apex of the Office.

---

Crusher Honda: Mr. Moonsault! You may flip around like gravity doesn't work on you! But I promise that once I get ahold of you, I will bring you down to Earth, at a terminal velocity! The bigger they are, the more tiny pieces that splatter all over when they fall! You want the Number One, but you do not even do what G.P. Christopher has done! He defeated me! You may be twice as tall as Christopher! But you are not the fighter that he is! And when the Murder Train runs you over, you will know that this is a fact! Do not prepare! Because there is no point for preparing for the inevitable!

Frog vs. Frog
El Froggy Mask vs. Notorious EFM
The Original Froggy and his current successor will compete against each other for the first time ever at Lariats, with El Froggy Mask looking to justify himself with a strong performance against the Notorious EFM. EFM, for his part, has been on a roll since leaving the Froggy name to the former Jumperman, and departing from Santana Family Wrestling. He has been seen in SWA, Golden Touch and Pro Wrestling Revival action, and is still one of the top junior heavies in the game. El Froggy, on the other hand, has shown varied results from his matches, a crushing debut loss to Felix Santana III, a great victory over Felice Santana and a heartbreaking defeat against Poison Froggy Mask have left him questioning his place in the TIPWF and wondering if the trust that EFM and the Santana family have placed on his shoulders was worthwhile. As such, a match against his mentor could be just what it takes to jump start his momentum back to where it should be.

SPOILER: Click to show

The Notorious EFM (Translated from Spanish) <You have everything it takes! You only have to prove it to yourself! Face me at my best, and see how good you are!>

El Froggy Mask: <I will give my best out there, but...>

EFM: <No buts! No doubts! Be the Froggy that you are!>

El Froggy: <I will be the Froggy!>

EFM: <Be the Froggy!>

El Froggy: <I will be the Froggy, and I will beat you! It is the only way!>

EFM: <I never said you had to beat me! That will be very tough for anyone! But if you leap as high as you can, maybe it happens! Maybe it doesn't! But either way, be the Froggy!>

El Froggy: <I will beat you and be the Froggy!>

EFM: <That's the spirit!>

Night #2 Preliminary Main Event
G.P. Christopher vs. Todd Colton(Phoenix Rising)
Back again for the opener of Night Two, GPC now faces an extremely potent threat in Phoenix Rising's highly (self) regarded Todd Colton. Colton's bluster often distracts from his excellent skillset, with relentless submissions, a wide variety of intricate suplex variations and an underrated hard nosed toughness making him a difficult opponent for any foe. Christopher, as good as he is, will need to be at his very best if he wants to open up the second night with a win.

SPOILER: Click to show

G.P. Christopher: They don't call me the hardest working man in pro wrestling for nothing, look at this, here I am again cutting another promo! And this time, they got me up against Todd Colton in my Preliminary Main Event. I like this matchup, a lot, because I remember something. I remember all the way back, in another lifetime, back in 2019, I faced this guy before. And we had ourselves a solid match, 92%'s what Dave gave it, yeah, I looked that up. But what bugged me, was that hard as we both fought, Todd was the one who came out ahead, getting me with that double armbar triangle hold. So, it's been a little time, we've both stepped up our games, let's run this again. Who knows, maybe he gets me again, but I know I'd love to take that win back off of him and restore my claim to being the King of the Openers.

[Firehawk]

Candace Monroe

SPOILER: Click to show

"I always found myself wondering... with how much I've learned, with how far I've come, could I step into the same environment we first met in, and avenge the loss that brought me here? Only one way to find out, Leona. We step into that cage... we fight under those rules for the first time in three years. And while our paths have crossed a few times since then, it's never been in the confines of that cage until now. So I'm gonna make sure that I come out of there as the best. There's too much on the line... my pride as a fighter, the shot at the UCSS Openweight title... I'm gonna give you everything I've got."

Leona Sterling

SPOILER: Click to show

"Candace Monroe talks a lot about avenging a defeat that sent her into this industry. About how I knocked her out of her shoot-fighting career so she could wind up in Phoenix Rising instead, even if she wound up pulling double-duty in UCSS. See, if you hadn't gone into this and gotten some popularity for yourself... I never would've remembered you, Candace, you never would've been on my radar... but you know, part of me is glad you got this far. To forget someone that's been capable of actually making me push myself... when fight, after fight, after fight... I couldn't grow, couldn't rise, I'd already done everything there was to do. So we really are coming back to where it all began... and I expect you to jog my memory, Candace. But if you don't give me a better fight inside that cage this time... I may never forgive you for letting me down."

Todd Colton

SPOILER: Click to show

"How much things change in the span of a year. Last September, you and I crossed paths, and you remember it, huh? Yeah, I got a pretty solid memory of winning that match too, champ... before this year turned you into the seemingly-unbeatable badass that's taken Lightning Pro by storm. So here we are, suddenly maybe I'm not the favorite going into it this time, maybe I'm not the one who's set to take charge. Least, that's what people will say. 'How's Todd supposed to stand up to a champion that's beaten the biggest and baddest around?' I'll tell you how: same way I beat anyone else out there. I go out there every single night, and I can't ever be counted out, because I'm the best around. The best technician, the best and biggest name in Phoenix Rising... and I'm gonna show you just how far I've come since we last met. So I expect the same outta you. Because you better believe that I'm gonna look for that feather in my cap, beating the biggest name in Lightning Pro, hell, the whole damn Office, you could maybe argue... but at the end of the night, it's gonna be me standing tall."

[Senator Phillips]

Fast Eddie's Quick Picks for Lariats and Legislators 2020
By "Fast" Eddie Edison

It's the end of 2020. I'm sure you're all celebrating out there. I know I'll be. And not just because AAW's back, but because once I get through with these prognostications, I will have earned every moment of it. Yes, Lariats and Legislators 2020 is a big double decker card stretched out across two nights with a lot of star studded matchups. Not just anyone can look at this behemoth and make the right picks. Fortunately, that's why I'm here. You know my record, so I don't need to elaborate on that. And you know I don't waste your time, so let's get to it, hit the restroom, grab a drink and some snacks, and make yourselves comfortable, because I'm going to go straight through:

Night #1 Preliminary Main Event
G.P. Christopher vs. Kevin Fitsharris
GPC isn't going to lose to Fitsharris in an opener. Plain and simple, easy choice.

Gruesome Battle: UCSS Openweight #1 Contender Match
Candace Monroe(Phoenix Rising) vs. Leona Sterling(Phoenix Rising)
Leona may have won the first time they fought in MMA, but everything I've seen from these two since then says that Candace has gotten that much better, and should be the easy favorite here.

The All American Athletes(Blan Fleming, Max Bertrand and July Eagle)(SWA) vs. Mercenaries in Exile(Demarcus Browning(Blackrose), Moustapha Ndour and Renate Barlowe)
First, July Eagle has a jacked up shoulder, so the Athletes are down to two and a half men(and I'm not talking about the awful sitcom here), and the Mercs have that much more to prove. I could be wrong, since Bertrand and Fleming are bad dudes, but I think the Mercs just have a bit more motivation, and Barlowe's submissions might be the key.

Thiago Gracie Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Black Belt Promotional Match
Thiago Gracie vs. Jamie Tomasi
Ok, the Brazilian contingent out there is going to come after me for saying this, but let's just speak the truth. Thiago Gracie is shot, past prime, old, washed up, and was overrated like the rest of his family anyway! I've seen some grappling footage of Tomasi over the last year, and he's going to shock everyone and get that black belt here.

UCSS Rules
Ewan Jacobs vs. Andronicus Turner
The Infamous Ewan Jacobs has a big mouth. Andronicus Turner has a big punch. Guess which one hits harder? Turner proved against Big Banter Banner that he's got the tools to handle a big well rounded martial artist at the highest level...so against a shrimp like Jacobs, I'm predicting he punches him into next year.

Felix Santana Sr. with Felix Santana Jr. vs. The New Humanity with El Experto
Part of me thinks that Felix Sr. has looked amazing over the last year, and maybe if he beat Valentina Verda, I'd give him the nod, but he did great in a losing effort. I think he's due for a bit of a dropoff, and this is the match for it to happen, especially with Experto in the Humanity's corner. He, on the other hand, is due for some big wins with all the ability he has, so I'm thinking he gets one here.

Golden Touch Leader of the Pack Match
John Logan(Warrior Pro) vs. Young Blood
You have no clue how much I wanted to pick Logan. But John Logan, no matter what belt he may have now, has a record of blowing it on the big stage. And Young Blood, even though he's a major league asshole, even though he lost all his championships, has a habit of pulling away with wins he doesn't deserve. So I hate to do it, but I'm picking Young Blood.

Night #2 Preliminary Main Event
G.P. Christopher vs. Todd Colton(Phoenix Rising)
He beat him before, he can beat him again. I honestly think this is just a bad matchup for GPC. Christopher's best in those big King's Road slugfests or even a hardcore bloodbath or a junior heavy flippy exhibition, but against a submission technician like Colton, he's up against his biggest weakness.

Frog vs. Frog
El Froggy Mask vs. Notorious EFM
Here's one where I'm running(or hopping) with the tried and true. The second El Froggy's shown some skills, but he does not have a fraction of the veteran's instinct that the Notorious EFM has.

Mr. Moonsault vs. Crusher Honda
Mr. Moonsault is awesome. I'd pay for a whole card just to see him do what he does. There's nobody like him out there, a seven foot high flying machine who looks like Shaq and dominates in Chicago. But where Moonsault impresses me, Honda scares me. And fear generally wins out over respect.

Legendary Tag Clash
The Bingo Hall Mutants(Rampage Rage and Skullface Killah) vs. The Vanishing(Blade Saeba and Notorious)(SWA)
You've probably seen that I mostly pick the younger, prime talent over the old warhorses. I'm a big fan of the youth movement in pro wrestling, Kerry Texan aside. But here's another one where I'm going with the oldsters even when I probably shouldn't. The Vanishing have all the tools in the world. No weaknesses at all, they can fight any style, they've held singles and tag belts all around the world. But the Mutants are just plain ruthless, and they've shown that they can still get things done. So I'm going to order myself a nice plate of ribs and enjoy watching a pair of hardcore icons going to town.

Dominican Golden Championship Unification Bout
Salvador Sosa(Lineal Champion) vs. Dungeon Dominguez(Interim Champion)(Lucha POWER) with Paco Pequeno(Lucha POWER)
Let me refer back to Moonsault-Honda. Sosa is impressive, but Dungeon inspires fear. Sosa's coming back from a long injury layoff, but he's fragile, and Dungeon's cut through everyone he's faced like they're the Michael Spinks to his Mike Tyson. Add Paco in at ringside, and there's just about no way Salvador walks away with the belts.

Two out of Three Falls Technical Challenge
Ibrahim Rahman vs. Valentina Verda
I'm really not sure which way I could go on this. Both of these two are about evenly matched in their specialty, which means, either one could pin the other in seconds. Verda has the size advantage, Rahman is faster. Verda has all those tricky exotico mind games and clearly loves messing with opponents. Rahman has a mean streak that he doesn't get much credit for and is deadly serious about his craft. Verda is the TIPWF champ. Rahman beat the friggin' Destructive Duo, one on two. Screw it, I'm flipping a coin. And it's heads, so Rahman it is.

The Jackson Hole Outlaws(Doc Wyatt, Red Masterson, "Showtime" Byron Worthy and Roy Carter)(Warrior Pro) vs. Cowboy Johnston, Hailey Comet, Lil' Lariato and Marcos Angulo
One of these teams has a history of wrecking everybody's stuff and being a general pain in the ass for just about the entire wrestling community. The other is a mishmash of a husband and wife, their good friend and a random guy tagging along. I don't care if the Outlaws are about as ready to fight each other as they are anyone else. They don't lose this.

Geese Walker(OG-FPD) vs. Anthony Kalb
All you gamblers out there take note: I'm picking Geese Walker to win. It's the only real choice to make, and if you need me to spell it out, go find another sport to follow. But if you want to know where my money's going, I'm putting my biggest wager of the night on Kalb. Why? Simply, because if he does pull off the impossible, I stand to make enough to renovate my entire home theater setup. So again, my pick is Geese, my money's on Kalb. Don't confuse the two!

Senatorial Office #1 Ranking Bout, PEWA Extreme Title Bout
Jean-Pierre Mutombo(C) vs. Hobo Harry vs. Annie Chang
And I made the safe pick for the main event. Mainly, because Hobo's going to have trouble getting the space to hit his Hobosault before Annie Chang gets herself eliminated, and because JPM has all the tools to survive, and thrive in this match. He can lock in a Congolese Crab for eliminations, he can pin with the Supersensational Drop anywhere in the ring and most importantly, the guy can kick out of being hit with a howitzer blast and still dance around like the sharpest guy in the club.

So there you have it, mark it down, because you know that I know what I'm doing here. This is "Fast" Eddie Edison, giving you all the picks you want at the speed you need!

[OrochiGeese]

Dec 16, 2020 3:46:21 GMT Senator Phillips said:

Geese Walker(OG-FPD) vs. Anthony Kalb
All you gamblers out there take note: I'm picking Geese Walker to win. It's the only real choice to make, and if you need me to spell it out, go find another sport to follow. But if you want to know where my money's going, I'm putting my biggest wager of the night on Kalb. Why? Simply, because if he does pull off the impossible, I stand to make enough to renovate my entire home theater setup. So again, my pick is Geese, my money's on Kalb. Don't confuse the two!

Geese: "He makes a solid point."
Robin: "Don't do it."
Geese: "I still retained some of my stock broker knowledge."
Robin: "No you didn't cause you didn't have any. You kept investing in "money."
Geese: "And did I make any?"
Robin: "No. So don't put money on Kalb."
Geese: "The gentleman placing the odds is named "Fast" Eddie. If that doesn't fill you with trust..."
Robin: "If I take you to someone named "Faster" Eddie, will you listen to him instead?"
Geese: "It would be irrational not to."

Every now and then the amnesia has aftershocks 😁

[Senator Phillips]

A message from Morgan "Midas" Matthews:

Tonight marks the night of the first annual edition of Lariats and Legislators 2020!  This is my gift to you, the wrestling fans.  And even if you might not deserve it, you are getting the very best.  This show will begin an hour later than our usual broadcasts, at 9:00 PM in the Central Time Zone.  And when it does so, you will see one of the Office's top stars, G.P. Christopher as he fights Kevin Fitsharris in our opener.  You will witness two of Phoenix Rising's fighters, Candace Monroe and Leona Sterling in the Gruesome dodecahedron, because I spare no expenses to put our matches in the proper environments that they belong in.  A true Olympic champion, July Eagle will overcome injury to fight with his All American Athletes against the powerful War Bringers and the mercenary, Renate Barlowe.  Jamie Tomasi looks for his chance to become somebody and to gain his black belt against Thiago Gracie.  Andronicus Turner might not be the multimedia star that the Infamous Ewan Jacobs is, but he will try to beat him anyway.  Felix Santana Sr. will likely defeat the New Humanity because Vargas always fails when it matters!  But I do think it will be entertaining.  And finally, in our main event, my latest, greatest signing, the Warrior Pro Heavyweight Champion, John Logan will try to be the captain of my Golden Touch VIP Club, but to do so, he will fight the current captain, Young Blood.

Do tune into the Senatorial Streaming Service tonight, again, at a special air time of 9:00 PM, CT.  And be sure to return tomorrow night at 8:00 for the towering conclusion of Lariats and Legislators 2020.  This is one you simply will not afford to miss.

www.twitch.tv/senatorphillips

[Senator Phillips]

The first night of Lariats has concluded, setting the table for tomorrow night's conclusion, with some major happenings that will inform the future for UCSS and Golden Touch Promotions going forward, and some excellent battles, particularly in the shoot style setting.

RESULTS

Lariats and Legislators 2020: Night One
8:30 PM (CT) on Thursday, December 17th at the Beltway Hippodrome in Washington, DC

Bonus Match
Colossus Rhodes vs. Young Blood

Directly after Young Blood's crushing victory, Midas Matthews signaled for Young Blood to remain in the ring. And as such, he, Irkalla and Persephone then called for Colossus Rhodes. To his credit, Young Blood did not back down and took the fight to the giant, surviving a fairly early Conquering Crush sheer drop powerbomb, and taking the fight back to Rhodes. With both men's stamina faltering, Young Blood hit his deadly Last Will and Testament, but Rhodes become one of the first people to ever kick out of the fearsome finisher. Another one would land in the ropes, and Young Blood would also land a piledriver into his frog splash, unable to get up fast enough to capitalize. Instead, it would be one more powerbomb from the Colossus to put YB down for the three count as Midas and his ladies cheered. It is unaware just yet what the fallout of this match will be concerning the VIP Club, but it is clear that Midas was not pleased with Young Blood wrecking his most heralded signing.

Golden Touch Leader of the Pack Match
John Logan(Warrior Pro) vs. Young Blood

The hard hitting, violent match that everyone expected manifested in part, at least on Young Blood's terms. While John Logan was there to fight, his night would end abruptly with a startling Last Will and Testament on the outside, gaining yet another victim and securing his spot as the Golden Touch VIP Club Captain. Or did he...

Felix Santana Sr. and Felix Santana Jr. vs. The New Humanity and El Experto


This was originally set to run as a singles match between Felix Sr. and Esteban Vargas. Instead, Experto and the New Humanity jumped the Santanas before the match started. And yet, before it would begin again, as the fray was separated, Experto called for the microphone.

El Experto: I told you it was you against Vargas and I! You assumed it was singles! You assumed wrong! I have returned! Keep your son, we will destroy you both!

Experto removed his warmups to reveal his old wrestling attire underneath, and had announced his return to competition after over a month away since retiring due to the injuries suffered at the hands of Colossus Rhodes and his powerbomb. The team of Vargas and Experto took the fight to their Santana foes, with Felix Jr. noticeably annoyed at having to wrestle in his casual wear. Experto opened Felix Senior up with a bite, and the New Humanity landed an array of impressive moves, but the father and son team would show their typical connection, flowing back and forth with an effortless aptitude. Felix Jr. hit a gigantic springboard splash on the New Humanity to the outside at one point, his dress shoes doing nothing to impede his graceful agility. While Esteban Vargas showed off with some of his typical unearthly ability, hitting a Deadly Go Around and a diving rana, it would be a diving huracanrana from Felix Jr. that would catch him for the three count.

UCSS Rules
Ewan Jacobs with "Big Banter" Rory Banner, Virgil de Boer and Sanem Becker vs. Andronicus Turner with Jumbo Joseph Butt and Ricky "Violece" Valdez

Ewan Jacobs brought the Big Banter Brand at ringside, and as a response, Andronicus Turner signaled for the Sweet Science Society to accompany him as well. While Jacobs survived several rounds, and seemed to hold his own to a degree, this was undoubtedly Turner's fight from the start, and within a minute of the third, a double whip crack of a one two combination would connect with the Infamous one's chin, turning the lights out and giving the UCSS Openweight champ another big win to his record. Andronicus Turner has never looked better, and Candace Monroe was undoubtedly taking notes here for her future challenge.

Thiago Gracie Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Black Belt Promotional Match
Thiago Gracie vs. Jamie Tomasi

A deliberately paced match in the early going, with neither Gracie nor Tomasi leaving any significant openings in the first two rounds, and it would take until later on before any armbar attempts would be seen. From there, both Gracie and Tomasi ramped things up significantly, with a Tomasi German tossing Gracie to the floor, but the BJJ Grandmaster would retaliate with his big exploders. Just as it seemed the match would head into the fifth and final round, Jamie Tomasi would connect with a spectacular double arm suplex directly into an armbar to earn the win, and his long awaited promotion. Following the match, Thiago Gracie remained in the ring, and presented his student with his prize, replacing Tomasi's well-worn red belt on the spot and was overheard by the ringside microphones as he did so.

Thiago: Is good, belt now black, as should be.

The All American Athletes(Blan Fleming, Max Bertrand and July Eagle)(SWA) vs. Mercenaries in Exile(Demarcus Browning(Blackrose), Moustapha Ndour and Renate Barlowe)

Perhaps the finest hour for the Mercs, who were in full control for this one, with Barlowe and Ndour utterly destroying July Eagle on the outside, while Browning held his own against both Bertrand and Fleming for an extended period. The Athletes never fully recovered from this attack, and Barlowe was able to catch the SWA Heavyweight champ, Bertrand in a Mercenary Lock heel hook to gain the submission victory.

Gruesome Battle: UCSS Openweight #1 Contender Match
Candace Monroe(Phoenix Rising) vs. Leona Sterling(Phoenix Rising)

Nobody expected anything short of a fierce contest between these two rivals, but most would say that Sterling and Monroe exceeded the expectations, delivering a gutsy, technical sprint of a fight that felt like it went by in half the time that it did, with Sterling's submissions and mat counters keeping her rival from blasting through to an easy victory. Even so, Candace's tactics were well considered, as she chopped Sterling's legs down with fierce kicks from early on, and after an exchange of heavy moves including piledrivers, back body drop counters, backdrop drivers and the infamous Kirison Stunner, Monroe used her earlier legwork to full effect as she countered into rolling leglock for the win in the third round to secure a title shot for Andronicus Turner's Openweight belt.

Night #1 Preliminary Main Event
G.P. Christopher vs. Kevin Fitsharris with Mina Fitsharris

A strong showing for GPC in spite of Fitsharris's new heavily patriotic attire, showing his absolute superiority in every aspect of the game, hitting a brilliant diving rana into a diving splash combination, but it would be the Destiny Driver double arm piledriver that would finish things up in favor of the King of the Openers.

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Match of the Night: Gracie vs. Tomasi
-Thiago Gracie and Jamie Tomasi put on a high quality performance, demonstrating intelligence, heart and skill with Tomasi more than earning his black belt promotion and Gracie showing that the old dog's still got a lot of fight left. Monroe-Sterling and Young Blood-Colossus were both notable matches, as well.

Performer of the Night: Young Blood
-A brutal win over John Logan and one of the most competitive bouts anyone has had against Colossus Rhodes made for a standout night from one of the Office's most feared individuals.

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Injury Report

Ewan Jacobs: Mild Concussion (Two Month Medical Suspension)
-A sharp 1-2 combination from Andronicus Turner finished off Jacobs, and knocked the Infamous one silly. While prior Office protocols have recommended a three month layoff from concussions, the new mandatory will now be a two month minimum, and Jacobs will be back sooner in 2021 as a result.

John Logan: Unknown
-Due to Logan's circumstance in holding the Warrior Pro Heavyweight title, Office medical reports will not be made available to the press or the general public concerning the status of his injuries or of any medical suspensions. As it is, most figure he will miss around three months and may have taken a combination of a mild concussion and some sort of upper body injury from the Last Will and Testament wrist clutch fireman carry driver from Young Blood.

[LankyLefty17]

After the shocking main event in last nights show, the big question is what is the current health of Warrior Pro Wrestling World Champion John Logan. Logan took a nasty Last Will and Testament from Young Blood on the outside floor, and on top of a barbed wire baseball bat. He was knocked clean out and stretchered to the back where he was immediately taken to a local hospital. While both The Office and Warrior Pro have been quiet to his status, sources close to Logan’s camp have indicated he suffered a concussion and neck injuries, but that both injuries do not seem as severe as initially thought. In fact, he was awake and had full feeling in his extremities- even entering the ambulance under his own power (albeit with some assistance). No injury timeline was given has he’ll spend today running more tests, but it appears he may have dodged a bullet.


Logan’s manager, Paco Pequeno, released a statement late last night:

What happened to my client is quite frankly unacceptable. The dangerous tactics of Young Blood have no place in the world of professional wrestling, and certainly do not belong in the elite organization of Golden Touch. I implore Senor Midas to take corrective action to ensure my client is properly compensated for this reckless behavior. And as for the match itself, Senor Logan does not recognize that loss as legitimate. Young Blood, you have not won anything- and in fact the only person pinned in the main event… was you. This is not over bendejo.

The Warrior Pro Wrestling roster seemed to be tuned into the show as well, with several commenting on social media during the Logan/Young Blood match…

Rampage Hunter

Damn, Logan dead, then Young Blood dead. Rampage would beat both them fools.

Jimmy Hawkins

Looks like me and Young Blood have something in common. We both make John Logan look like a little bitch.

Lefty McDaniel

Jesus, guess grass isnt always greener...

Rip Reed

Thats some dangerous shit, here’s hoping my dude is ok.

Vic Baron

In total shock. John Logan is as tough as they come and he just got steamrolled. Scary sight watching him get stretchered out.

Doc Wyatt

The greatest main even loser continues his streak. Great signing Midas. #notmychamp #Icchampistherealchamp

[Senator Phillips]

A message from Head of Operations, Anthony Kalb

I'm going out on a limb here and telling each and every one of you that Midas should not do one of these ever again. He managed to insult half of the card and the fans when really, he was attempting to get you, the people hyped up and interested in tuning in. So I convinced him that I should take over this duty for Night Two, and going forward.

Tonight's the big one, people! We have a show here worthy of the venerable Lariats and Legislators title, starting off from GPC coming off his far-too-easy win over Fitsy to see if he can take a win back from Phoenix Rising's cocky but effective technical genius, Todd Colton! If you like frogs, and I know you do, we have the original, the Notorious EFM going up against his successor, the current El Froggy Mask! Mr. Moonsault has been one of the Office's best over the last six months or so and he will flip into action against the most feared member of the Lightning Pro roster, one half of the Victorious Tag Medal holders, Crusher Honda!

The greatest tag team in Office history, and no, I'm not talking about my Capitalists, I'm talking about the Bingo Hall Mutants, will be up against the SWA's dominant duo, the Vanishing! You can bet there will be blood and thunder there. The Dominican Golden Championship may now be under the TIPWF umbrella, and after tonight, it will only be represented by one single belt, as Lucha POWER's fearsome Dungeon Dominguez will put up his Interim belt against the returning Salvador Sosa and his Lineal belt in a unification bout! Let me tell you this, there's no love lost between those two, even if they haven't yet directly faced each other!

We go from guaranteed violence there to a showcase of grappling excellence as Ibrahim Rahman and TIPWF Lone Star Heavyweight Champion, Valentina Verda will settle a long standing question in a two out of three falls match. Who is the best pure wrestler in the Office? We'll know after tonight! We'll get right back to the grudge matches after this, with Warrior Pro's dreaded Jackson Hole Outlaws, Doc Wyatt, Red Masterson, Byron Worthy and Roy Carter will go up against a dream team of sorts from the TIPWF, with Cowboy Johnston, Lil' Lariato, the returning Hailey Comet and the Tijuana Wreckin' Ball, Marcos Angulo looking to take their best shot or two or three or who knows how many against the always-irritating Outlaws!

And I personally hope you're all still semi-sober, fully functioning and keeping your eyes glued to the screen at this point, because then, you'll see yours truly, Anthony Kalb take on yet another big time challenge as I go up against an icon of icons, one of the most decorated stars in the history of this sport, a true wrestler's wrestler, the one, the only, Geese Walker! And I can personally guarantee you that this will be a match to see.

That'll bring us to our main event of the evening, the last big Office match of the year! All the marbles are on the line, with Jean-Pierre Mutombo risking his Senatorial Office Number One against one of the most successful individuals in the entire organization, the CCW Cup Winner, the PEWA Extreme champ, Hobo Harry! And if that wasn't enough, we have Annie Chang here, having punched her lottery ticket to the top for an underdog challenge for the ages against two of the very best! She can not only take the PEWA title off Harry, but if she wins out, Annie become the Number One!

You'll not want to miss this one, so make sure you clear your schedules, and set your alarms for 8:00 PM, Central Time Zone, and dash on over to the Senatorial Streaming Service at that time! I know I can't wait for this one, and I hope you'll all see us in action for tonight.

www.twitch.tv/senatorphillips